by Jessica Ursell (Campania, Italy)
in bed
cold beads
of sweat
catch me
still in the snare
of my nightmare
back at the home
of my childhood
walking past
the front door
realizing
it wasn’t quite
completely closed
I went to close it
on the other side
they were pushing
screaming, shoving
with such force
struggling
I tried to push back
but they were so many
coming for the Jew
spewing incoherent vitriol
their rhythmic battering
sounded the beat of
of an ancient hate
I tried to scream
for in my dream
my son was in the room
my brother used to have
but like my brother
my son‘s door was closed
with music playing
so he couldn’t hear
my strangled screams
dazed and in disbelief
inhuman strength surging
like those stories
of desperate mothers
lifting cars
off the helpless bodies
of their children
I shoved the door closed
despite the heaving mob
pounding from outside
so hard to click
that little lock closed
in suburban New York
Daughter of an immigrant Jewish mother from the foothills of the Himalayas and a South Bronx born Puerto Rican Jewish father, Jessica Ursell is a veteran JAG officer of the United States Air Force, poet, and public speaker against antisemitism and bigotry. The granddaughter of survivors of the Holocaust, Soviet gulags, and a descendant of a Taíno great-grandma, she understands in her bones what happens when intolerance, indifference, and ignorance take root in society.
Raised by scientist parents, Jessica’s early environment was steeped in an atmosphere where questions were welcomed and asking “why not” was encouraged. Jessica lives with her husband in Southern Italy where she writes essays and poetry addressing the complex interplay between trauma, power, love, loss, and madness.
Her essays, “At the Country Club with Superman,” “Standing Up for the Voiceless: My Fight with Royalty in Anne Frank’s House,” and “What My Zayda Taught Me About Tikkun Olam“ were published by The Jewish Writing Project in July 2022, October 2022, and January 2024 respectively. Jessica‘s poems, “Sedimented Rock” and “Climbing Vesuvius in Stilettos,” were published by Writing In A Woman’s Voice in November 2023 and May 2024. Jessica’s poem, “A Still-Life Collage of Lost Objects,” appears in the February 2024 print issue of Down in the Dirt magazine as well as online (v. 216 Scars Publications). Multiple military audiences, most recently the United States Navy, Sixth Fleet, have heard Jessica speak about the importance of never being a bystander to evil which she believes is the fundamental lesson of the Holocaust.
The Jewish Writing Project 
Too familiar and too close for comfort; and that’s what made this tremendously impactful. Thank you!
Nightmares real and feared. A mother’s instinct fighting against hatred learned since the cradle of time and from cradles. The few words in this piece speak volumes.
The poem was powerful. Nightmares are terrifying. They seem so real. The thought of being prosecuted for your religious beliefs makes the nightmare even worse. Reading the poem reinforced how important it is to find a solution to this crisis.
The poem was powerful. Nightmares are terrifying. They seem so real. The thought of being prosecuted for your religious beliefs makes the nightmare even worse. Reading the poem reinforced how important it is to find a solution to this crisis.
Excellent Poem these uncertain times. There are still hostages ! These mindless mobs protesting US & Israel efforts in destroying terrorists are enemies of western civilization. I sympathize for those who can’t sleep at night & worrying could it happen again. (It did ~ didn’t it) The struggle to out the antagonists and detect, disrupt, dismantle & destroy terrorists groups continues overseas. If we don’t destroy them there it won’t be long before many more are here. The world must unite in effort for anyone to feel truly safe and sleep well. These are scary times …
I just read this very personal reflection of a nightmare. A nightmare that keeps coming back, disturbing your sleep, disturbing your rest, disturbing your peace. I am so sorry. I’m trying not to think about it, but it refuses to be ignored..I must acknowledge that this is happening. There will be no real peace until this scourge ends and we drive out the hatred. May it be soon!
What a chilling evocation of the often unexpressed fears of Jews, especially those who are aware of the evils of the Nazi era. I’m fearful that a dwindling population of both survivors and their children will make full awareness of the Nazi evils ever less prevalent.
We need poets like Jessica Ursell to remind us in the poignant and succinct language of poetry.
Thank you, Jessica, for sharing this powerful poem.
Powerful! You are really talented. Is suburban New York so safe these days?
This powerful poem conjures up a nightmare, sadly, familiar to many of us these days. Kudos to you for the courage to take on this painful theme. Resonates with all of us hoping we find the lock on that door, just in time.
This powerful poem conjures up nightmares that I am sure resonate with many of us. Kudos to you for taking on this painful theme. I suspect we are all hoping to lock that door, just in time.
Wonderful poem, evoking so many emotions about the October 7 attacks. Thank you for writing it and for sharing it, and for making us all think about how anti-semitism is affecting Jews everywhere, and not just in Israel. The obvious ways we all see, but also emotionally in ways we don’t see.
This is such an incredible piece of writing that completely captures the feelings of helplessness which every Jew has experienced since October 7th. Jessica’s words convey the panic and fear that have taken over our hearts in such a poetic and beautiful way. Beautifully done writing, with such a powerful message. Every person should be feeling this way after October 7th, however Jews are the only people who are forced to endure this kind of pain day after day. Completely captivating.
This a really powerful piece! I am sure more than a few of us feel connected to these fears unfortunately. Thank you for sharing these words and thoughts with us.